Dead Sprint, All Heart

I can see it now...the finish line. Nothing gives you that extra wind like seeing that yellow tape in front of you. You gave it all you got...there were some mishaps along the way but all that doesn't matter. Just as long as you don't make the same mistakes.

Keep a good pace, put your head down, grit your teeth, and pray for divine power to fill you as you finish that race...

The Pain I Deserve

There's a distinction between grace and mercy. Grace is receiving something that you don't deserve and mercy is God withholding something you do deserve. As sinners, we all deserve hell. "But God commendeth His love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Rom. 5:8) We are saved by grace through faith (Eph. 2:8). Mercy and grace work hand in hand. 

I realize how horrible a person I really am. How wicked, how sinful, how wretched I really am. I know what I deserve. Praise God, I'm saved. Christ has redeemed me with His precious blood. Why did He save a sinner like me? His Word says it's because He loves me. What bounless love!

But I'm still a sinner. I still sin. In many ways, my sin is ever before me. Now should I ask the Lord to remove all guilt? God has forgiven me...but my sin is still ever before me. The affects of my sin, I deserve. It cannot affect my soul or my final destination. Nothing shall separate me from the love of God and no man shall pluck me out of my Father's hand. But the guilt, knowing I wronged not only my God but those I love...I deserve it. 

I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused. I want to leave it all behind but I can't. I must confront what I did and every blow, I rightly deserve. Every pain-staking strike, it belongs to me. Now I'm not paying for my sin. Christ already paid the price. But as a child to a heavenly Father, I must be chastened. 

But have I learned my lesson?

Over this Wall

I've hit the wall.

And all I can do at this point is stare at how tall it is. I've been climbing for a long time and I have no choice but to keep climbing. It seems as if there's no end to it. I just want it to end because I know that as I'm over this wall, all I have to do is slide down and head on the next challenge. 

But is this what life really is? Just a series of obstacles?  I know I should talk like this because I am a Christian. I have Christ living inside of me. He has saved me by His grace and I have a home in heaven. And I also know that the Christian life isn't a bed of roses. As one identifies himself with Christ, he is also identified with His sufferings. The Apostle Paul said, "that I may know him." He mentions the "fellowship of his sufferings."

We all suffer. But I know that life isn't just a thing that you have to suffer through. Christ died for us that we may have life and have it more abundantly. 

I'm just going along. I'll make it but not in my own  strength. "His strength is made perfect in weakness."

Hit and Miss, Hit and Miss...

I know that along with years come wisdom. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 1:18, "For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow." I've learned so far in my life how true this principle is. I've been told I'm a wise person. I take that with much humility. But I can recall several things in my life that caused this wisdom and knowledge. A lot of these things really did bring grief and sorrow.

When you were young, you may have wondered how it felt to touch a hot stove or how it felt to jump out of a high tree branch. At that time, you were unknowledgeable. But then you decide to touch that hot stove or jump out of that tree. Well...you know now that it wasn't a good idea but it cost you something. You have that knowledge but along with it came some grief and sorrow (not to mention, pain).

I don't know everything there is to know about life. No one really does except for God Himself. But I do know that whenever I live life in my own power, I fail. Not only do I hurt myself but I hurt those around me. 

Another timeless, biblical (if it's biblical, it's timeless) principle: your sin will affect others. That thought frightens me. Sometimes I'm so selfish I don't think about others when I do wrong but other people will be affected. Look at Achan, King David, Jonah and others. Sin in their lives affected friends, family, and other people. May God help us in this area.

The older I get, the more I realize that there are things I don't want to do but I know I must do them. This principle started with me at an early age with simply cleaning my room, eating everything on my plate, and brushing my teeth. Now, it has stemmed to paying my bills on time, going to work, and such the like. I have no problem with eating everything on my plate and brushing my teeth. Cleaning my room? Eh.... But there will always be something that needs to be done, even if you don't want to do them.

That's the sign of true maturity. Thinking of others and doing what needs to be done. Is this not the mind of Christ? He prayed in the Mount of Olives, "Let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt." Christ made the ultimate sacrifice. It's going to cost us something to follow Christ, yes. It's also going to cost us to think of others and doing right by them. Take a look at your life. Are you living for yourself? Are you doing what benefits you for the present moment? There's pleasure in sin for a season.

I have a lot of growing up to do...

Nothing Changes...

I hate it when nothing changes. I mean, things seem to be stagnant and nothing is in your favor. But I noticed something that perhaps other people have experienced a long time ago. When nothing changes, character is being built. 

Something happens to you when things don't seem to go your way. Your faith is increased. You decide to depend upon the Lord and to give everything in His hands. You take certain things more seriously and lesser things not as seriously. I'm starting to see that the things that would trouble me in the past don't have much weight with me now and the things I haven't considered in the past, I focus on those even more. 

So this is maturing, eh? Funny, I thought I was doing a good enough job on my own. But we all have to go through it. Some may call it the refiner's fire, conforming into the image of God's dear Son. 

I just pray that as I am tried and purified, I shall come forth as gold.

You Hypocrite!

I'd like to think that I'm a consistent person. Now there are times when I'm a bit spontaneous and a special friend has told me that I'm full of surprises...and yes, I'm still full of them ;}

But I can't stand inconsistency. People that act one way and do the opposite. A better term is hypocrite. And I hope that someone calls me out on it if I'm one. It'll help me out tremendously.

I can't stand fake people. I can see passed their smiles, their friendly greetings, and their jokes. I can see passed their sudo-amiable countenances. A hypocrite has two things working against him: his words and his actions. Not only do they work against him but they work against each other. But there's a funny thing about words...they circulate. People always find out. 

You think you can go on and say what you want to say and save your face? You think you can use your silver tongue and your soft eyes to win everyone on your side? Think again. 

I'll fight for my friends. Those who I know that are innocent in the matter, they'll have my allegiance. You think you won...but you're far from a victory. 

And for those I fight for, you know who you are. I'll remain true to you because not only do you remain true to me but most importantly, you remain true to those who are against you, to those who have wronged you. That is most admirable and for that, I thank you. Let me know if there's anything I can do for you. 

I'm here.

Under the Microscope

I'm just sick of living underneath this microscope. Every move I make is being watched and commented upon. They all have their ideas of why I'm behaving a certain way. I don't live for them, I know that. But why do I want to please them? What must I do to get them to leave me alone? What do they want from me? No one is telling me anything and yet I'm supposed to know it all. And worse than that, they're hurting those people that are dear to me and they think they're helping. 

I just can't stand it.