Fa La La La-La La-La La La

Well it's that wonderful time of the year, my friends. Christmas time. I've been looking forward to this for a long time. The snow, the lights, the presents and what I love most of all, sleeping in! :D

But above that is celebrating the birth of Christ. So many people now are trying to take Christ out of Christmas. But I'll always call it Christmas and not "Happy Holidays" or "Season's Greetings."

I've bought my gifts, sent my cards and now awaiting the bell to release me of my teaching duties for a couple of weeks :) Man, it's been a long week though. I should be closing up shop now.

Well "Happy Christmas," "Christmas Greetings," and "Merry CHRISTmas!!" :D

Franklin

If you all (when I say "you all," I'm speaking to the non-existing crowd) have noticed, I have changed my Facebook profile picture to Franklin, one of the many lovable Peanuts characters. Basically, make Charlie Brown black and give him some hair and presto, you have Franklin.

I've always identified myself with the black characters in cartoons. I guess that was the purpose. Funny thing, I was just thinking about this today while eating some Neapolitan ice cream (chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry). Now, growing up I hated strawberry ice cream. Didn't care for the cold, hard strawberry pieces in the ice cream. Complete nonsense.

But there was a cartoon called "Hey Arnold!" I used to watch all the time. And one of the characters on there was Arnold's best friend, Gerald. I identified myself with Gerald...well as closely as I could anyway. I wasn't as cool as he was. Anyway, there was one episode where Arnold and Gerald got some ice cream. And what flavor did Gerald get? That's right, strawberry. After that, I concluded "Hey, if he can eat it why can't I?"

Now what does identifying yourself with cartoon characters have to do with anything? Nothing really...just thought I'd write about it. :D

Feast

Hello everyone and Happy Thanksgiving to all!

This is a time we all take and give God the glory for everything He has given to us. Giving thanks for not only all the good things but also the trying times in our lives. The Bible tells us that in everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. He that hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Christ Jesus. This is something we all can be thankful for.

So enjoy this time of family, friends, food, fellowship, fun, and football :D (I'm the F master). Anyway, feast away!

Fixed

Some people's minds are just fixed to one frame of thinking.

You can't shake them, no matter how hard you try.

...

...but I guess we're all like that.

Sorry...but I'm fixed.

Foresight

...I saw it coming, ya know. And not only did I see it coming but I saw beyond it.

From mountain top to mountain top, I saw it but I didn't see the valley.

I'm through the valley now. I am another mountain top.

I knew it wasn't going to last forever...even though you thought it would.

I had the foresight.

Fountain City Diner

Ha! You thought I was done...

Anyway, yes! A fresh new spot has hit Knoxville, TN and it's the Fountain City Diner. What makes this place special? Well it's owned by some good friends of mine, the Wagners. When I heard the news that they were opening up a restaurant, I was taken back for a moment. It's not every day you hear that, ya know. But I was happy for them. Too bad I wasn't there for their Grand Opening.

Truth be told, I'm hardly there at all. I'm still up here in MD but trust me, if I was still living in TN, I'd be there practically all the time. It's a great atmosphere and terrific food. Mr. Wagner is a culinary chef and provides the edge that other restaurants don't possess.

I liked the place so much, I started a fan page on Facebook for the diner. Eh, I didn't have too much in mind, just trying to get their name out there but people are joining the fan page. It's nice to know that something I started (the fan page, not the restaurant) is beginening to grow. I hope more people become fans.

Well that's all for now. If you live in TN, stop by the Fountain City Diner. You'll enjoy the place, I guarantee it.

Phone

...well, it sounds like F. You leave me alone

Anyway, I just celebrated a birthday recently and my mother told me that for a gift, she'll buy my next phone upgrade. "Sweet" I thought to myself. I figured I'd get myself one of those touch screens, possibly a Blackberry. But I heard from some friends of mine that Google is coming out with a phone that will blow iPhone out of the water and it's going to be a Verizon phone. "Even better" I thought to myself again. "I'll just wait for that phone."

I go to the stores and no one knows when this phones is supposed to be released. I just about lost my patience (it's only been a week since I heard about it, what does that tell ya?) until I saw an ad for it. The teaser did enough for me to hold out until next month.

I can do it, I can do it...

Fail

So Google Chrome just stopped working on me, on the home PC anyway. I think I may know why. We have Trend, a beast anti-virus, anti-spyware/malware software. It will trap anything that thinks it's a threat and get rid of it. It will also notify you of suspicious activity being performed by a certain program and it will ask you if you want to grant it permission.

It notified me that Google Chrome wanted to do something. I denied permission. Ever since that, Google Chrome has ceased to work. I removed the program and downloaded it again but still nothing.

I'm sure I can get it back if I did some tweaking with Trend but I won't bother. IE will work for now.

Farmhouse Frenzy

So I went to the OCS Secondary Retreat for the first time. It was fun. Food was good, the preaching was great and I was given the opportunity to lead one of my students to the Lord. I'm glad that God used me and that He desires to use me.

While we were there, we played a rousing game of paintball. Since the outdoor course was a bit muddy, we were taken to an indoor course. That's right, a farmhouse. It was a bit interesting. I've never played paintball inside before.

It was an interesting time. The first game, I closed the game out in under 30 seconds. Ha! But then one of the refs told me not to do it because it's for the kids and they need to have fun and blah blah blah so I toned it down after that. I had a pretty good time playing but man, I never got lit up like that before. But it was still fun.

Well the retreat is over and come Monday morning, it's back to the old grind. But it was good to have some time off.

Until next time...

Feeling Frustrated?

Ha...I love being ambiguous. :D

Free Time

Ah....it's nice to have some free time on my hands. I had mentoined that it's really dangerous for me to have money in the bank and nothing to do. And I was racking my brain, trying to think of something to do, somewhere to go, and someone to do something with but I found nothing.

So what did I do when nothing came to mind? I ate hot pockets, stayed on Facebook, and watched college football all night. That was quite enjoyable.

It's hard getting used to the fact that I just can't go somewhere with anyone I want to like I did when I was down at school. Pretty much all my friends are down in Tennessee or elsewhere. Maybe I should focus on making some new friends here.

Anywho, I do like this free time. I need to take more advantage of it before it's all gone.

Foggy

I always have that foggy-headed feeling from the time I WAKE up to the time I GET out of bed. I programmed my radio to go off at 5:30 every morning. You know, I need plenty of time to get ready. Anyway, the alarm goes off this morning and I hear classical music playing. My exact thoughts at that point were thus: "Mmm? Uh, man. I really wish this music would cut off so I can listen out for my alarm...."

So a few minutes go by and I'm still thinking the same thought. The fact that the classical music WAS my alarm didn't dawn on me until I reached for the power button. Heh, then I just chuckled to myself.

Well here I go again, drifting off to la-la land.

Goodnight

Fake

Heh, if there's anything I don't want to be...it's being fake. I want to be genuine; true blue.

It's hard, you know? I know it's hard. You put on a smile and pretend everything is all honky-dory...but you know deep down, things are pretty much the opposite. The person that you're smiling with and laughing with turns out to be the person you want behead with your teeth (bite their head off...grammatical inconsistency, bleh). But you can't possibly do that. So you put on a smile.

But as I think about it, is it necessarily a bad thing? Should you avoid the person or give the person a scowl every time you two see each other? Maybe it makes things just a bit better whenever you "put on a smile."

Smile...and give them a wink too ;) They love that :D

Fortunate

I do take for granted the Lord's goodness to me. I am blessed and fortunate to be where I am at now. Some people would give anything just to switch places with me. May I always keep God's goodness in the forefront of my mind.

Far Far Away

I've been feeling as if I'm very far away from a lot of things and people. Distance doesn't have to play role, although it plays a major role in certain circumstances.

So far away from where I should be...

So far away from loved ones...

I never thought I'd say this but I miss Tennessee. That is, I miss those who are presently there but I'm just too far away...

But I'm a rolling stone.

Food :P

Well it's Missions Conference time around our church and it's a wonderful time for us. It's good to see slides, seeing what God is doing and what He is able to do through our local church. I'm praying that the Lord will do a mighty work.

We have our Missions Banquet to commence everything. A lot of people cook food and bring it in and we have a good time. Unfortunately, there are some foods I cannot eat like someone's ceviche (shrimp soup) and other dishes because I'm allergic to them. But for every dish I'm allergic to, there are 20 others I can so I'll be fine.

I'll be making my classic spicy chicken dip. I haven't made it in a while but I know the recipe by heart. I'm thinking that I'm going to spice things up and add more hot sauce :D Yeah...

Can't wait for it. It's going to be a great time for our church this week.

False Alarm

So I reported to work this morning at 8:30 instead of the usual 9. I was asked to do so and it wasn't a big deal. Good thing I did. It was a pretty long day. Well...longer than the past couple of days anyway.

Right now, the church is expanding and it's really exciting to see all these things happen. We know that the Lord is in it. But before we get into the new building, there is some well-needed construction. Today while the builders were hammering away, some dust worked its way throughout the building and before you knew it, BER BER BER BER!!! The dust triggered the alarm.

Heh, no one had the code to disarm it and those who did couldn't be reached. So...the firetruck came. Pretty quick, if I might add. We had to tell them it was a false alarm. They drove off, the alarm was disarmed, and we went about our day. Man, that thing was loud.

Well I'm still here. Still posting, still writing. To who? Probably no one. I like to think that I still have an audience. Oh well, it feels good to write still.

Later days

Facebook

Man, this social-networking website is taking over my life. It seems as if my happiness is dependent upon how many notifications I receive in a day.

I really DON'T like the idea of me being on Facebook all the time and I'm sure there are other things I could be doing with my time like clean my room, workout, go on dates...sigh...man, I am pathetic :D

Anywho, I'm sure things will change soon. I'm already heading to bed earlier than usual and once the school year starts, I don't think I'll spend much time on it. But for now, I have to do SOMETHING to pass the time...

Forgotten

You may feel forsaken...but you're not forgotten.

You're still in my mind, my memories.

I remember a lot of the times we've shared. Some bring a smile to my face. Others...bring an even bigger smile :D

But of course, there are times I remember that I wish I would have done things differently.

It's too late now, though.

But man...I can sure move one, can't I?

Friendship

Never take it lightly. Some people will openly confess that friendship means the world to them but if we're honest with ourselves, it means the world to all of us.

No one can get by without having any friends. Just the closeness you have with someone else, no matter who they are matters a great deal.

Sadly, some people use this great gift of friendship as a tool to get what they want. A means to an end, if you will. Others can accessorize friendship as with hats or coats, just wear it here and there and sees what looks best.

Of course, no one's perfect. We're all guilty of not treating friendship the way we ought to; being selfish.

Now I don't have all the answers and I sure don't claim to know it all but I want to be a better friend.

Forsaken

Do you feel that? Do you feel that everyone you loved and everyone who loved you has just left you without any care in the world?

Do you feel as if it's your fault? Maybe it's something you said or did that made them leave you. Maybe it was just something out of your control and there was nothing you could do about it.

Patterns...I see patterns. I follow after them. Things are set in motion and you know what they say about an object in motion. It stays in motion until another force acts upon it.

Ask yourself this question: are you the object or are you the opposing force?

That all depends upon what the object is, what direction it's going and if the opposing force is a good force or a bad force.

Some things...heh, will never change.

Fitness

Went to the gym today after work. I really didn't feel like going because it was a Monday and trying to learn the new job was giving me a headache. Not to mention that it was a long drive to the Y but nevertheless, I went.

I don't know what's up with me and the gym. I only do enough to work up a good sweat. Ten minutes or so of cardio usually does the trick when I start, then I'm off doing the free weights, a few machines and I'm done.

I do like how I feel after I workout though. I can eat a whole lot more :D And I do have a bit more energy. More than I would have if I didn't workout.

Oh well, hopefully I will become more of a fitness fanatic but I don't see that happening with the way my schedule is. But one can only hope, right?

Failure

Something that we all fear, especially me. And not just failing but failing miserably. Becoming a byword; an example of how NOT to do something. But in some areas, I'm a bit too late. But I don't dwell on those.

Ever feel inadequate? Ever feel that people build you up so high that you know that you're not worthy of standing on such a pedestal?

Ever feel...powerless? God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind but have you ever felt powerless, loveless, and unstable?

Don't worry, this won't last. I just need God more.

Finances

Don't worry. This post will be short. It's amazing to me how much I lack in this area and yet, will be overseeing the finances of my church.

That's right. I'm the new bookkeeper-in-training. I don't know a thing about economics, I stink at math, and numbers scare me.

But if I take what I learn and apply it correctly, there shouldn't be a problem.

...maybe I should have paid more attention to that church finance class in college.

Fact

Okay, so it took me forever to not only post something but to come up with another title that starts with the letter "F."

But will this blog post have anything to do with the title? Hmm...probably not. I can write some interesting facts about myself if you'd like. But there's nothing really interesting I can write down now so...yeah.

Heh, I'm just posting stuff.

But here's an interesting fact. I'm a guy. Duh! Now am I using this for an excuse to justify the things I do and the things I say? Umm...sure I am. Why not? Is there anything wrong with that?

This is fact until YOU can prove to me that it's fiction...

...go ahead. Take your best shot!

Fender Bender

Yep...got into an accident. Some Ford Explorer creamed me while I was waiting to turn. Both my sister and I are fine though. Since I was rear-ended, it's not my fault and the other driver's insurance will pay for it.

I've been in a pretty good mood until my parents started discussing the possibility of the car being totaled. Now, I was always under the impression that a totaled vehicle was a vehicle that no longer could be driven. It was explained to me that the car is totaled if the damage costs more than the value of the car.

Hopefully, prayerfully, this is not the case.

Forgetful

The question I have been asking a few people is "How do you get over something?"

Heh, it's funny. Almost everybody I have asked that question gets this look on their face and turns away as if they're pondering upon the question. And I get some of the common answers, "It takes time" or "you just have to put it behind you."

I've discussed in a blog post prior to this one that I hate to pretend like nothing ever happened. I don't get how some people can just put a bandaid over a situation and just go on, acting as if nothing ever happened. But I am still learning this concept though. Maybe with a few circumstances, that is what you HAVE to do and as time goes by, things start to slowly leave the memory banks.

I'm aware the Satan uses our sinful past to harm us in the present time. I desire most to be like the Apostle Paul, "forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before." The past can help us in regards to what God has done but it can also hurt us if we live in the past and not the present.

Satan has won a lot of battles but today is a new day. And may we all be on target with Paul and let us all say, "I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."

Fighting

I've done my fair share of it but it's useless now. 

I really don't see why I try. 

Fine, I'll say it. I was wrong. You get a gold sticker, a cookie, and the acknowledgment that you were right. 

...besides, that's what you wanted all along. 

Now go fight with someone else.

Fire in the Hole!

Yes...I am angry. This is the angriest I think I've ever been. Just thinking, musing, pondering on everything that's funny. As I laugh...I really start to think. And then my laughter stops and it's silent. I grit my teeth, I clench my fist, my eyes turn red and I'm just plain fed up! 

(Be ye angry and sin not...)

Yeah, I know. I talked with my mother. I realize that I hold a lot of stuff in. I figure no one wants to hear me whine and complain. I'm sure there are enough people who think I do enough of it already. 

I'm at the point where if you're not going to give me a warm embrace, a kiss on the cheek and/or some cash...you best not mess with me! 

(That doesn't make any sense...)

It doesn't have to. Get off my back! 

(This isn't like you...)

I know...so what does that tell you? Something must have happened that set me off. 

(What happened?)

Nothing...I'm just going to hold it in so I can listen to you. Afterall, I am a great friend and a great listener who gives great advice. I must live up to my role. No room for selfishness here...

(...?)

Nothing...I'm fine. 

Frankly, my dear...

I really don't care what you think. I'm passed it, over it, beyond it. 

Foolishness

I just informed a friend that I laugh at...foolishness. It's easy to get frustrated at it and I do get frustrated. But hindsight causes me to laugh at it.

Why people do the things they do...heh, baffle me. People will fight, naw, scratch, and kill to do what they want, keep what they want to keep...but later on, it's all for naught. And they look back and wonder, "Why? Why did I do that? Did I accomplish anything?"

Eh, we live and we learn. I'm going to get some ice cream. Goodnight, good people.

Faux Pas

I meant Memorial Day...

I had Farm Town on my mind and was thinking about labor. An honest misake, I assure you

Farm Town

I don't want it to become another addiction...but it pains me to see crops ready to be harvested but I can't harvest them because the owner of the farm isn't there! I need the money and the experience!!

I must be sick if I'm writing a blog entry about a Facebook application. 

Anyway, things are looking up I suppose. I'm just hanging around at the computer. Labor Day is this weekend and my buddy Jake is getting married. It's going to be a fun weekend.

Farm Town...looking for work, please hire me.

Funny

Man...does anyone read this thing anymore? If I lost a few supporters then that's understandable. I really haven't been the flavor of the year so far in 2009... :D

So this is what my life has been "reduced" to, Facebook, Blogger and work. I like the working part though. I should be thankful and I am. Some of my friends have nothing and they're looking for a job. I love my job. No customers, just me and my trusty hands pulling trash and pushing a vacuum. :D

Hehehe...my eyes can't help but catch things. My mind can't help but wander and this smile (you know the smile) can't help but make its way on my face. It's all very...funny. :D

"Antoine, what are you talking about?" "Oh...I think I know." Well, you THINK you know and you're probably right...but then again, you're probably more wrong than a 5-year old child wearing a bluetooth earpiece. It's just wrong but oh so very...funny. :D

I suppose I'm at a funny stage of my life right now. It's interesting how I see things, how it all plays out. I really can just laugh at it all. Why? Because it's all just very...very...funny. :D

XD

Fear

...yes, I'm continuing with the theme. I'm seeing how far I can take it :D

But honestly, this seems to be the one thing a lot of my friends are going through right now, even yours truly. 

The unknown is scary, I know. But the Lord has not given us the spirit of fear but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 

The Lord is going to take care of us. We know this but we don't want to be stretched. We don't want to get out of our comfort zone. 

But the Lord, He will take of us. He will never leave us nor forsake us. We must take the Lord at His word. 

Freedom

Funny thing about freedom. It seems the more freedom you have, the more bound you are. Quite the paradox, I'm sure. 

But it's good to be out of the clutches of the school. Feels good to just go riding around with a buddy into the wee-hours of the night, touring the beautiful countryside of Loudon County... :P

With more freedom, I've come to realize there's a limit. Without it, everything will just be plain anarchy. And we don't want that, do we? I know I don't. 

Contentment is the key. Christ is the goal. Godliness with contentment is great gain. May God help us to apply this to every facet of our lives. 

Frustration

Hehehe...it frustrates them. It absolutely frazzles them that I'm not doing what they want me to do. I'm not the person they want me to be. 

They care about me, I know. I love them and I don't deserve their friendship...but they forget, I have a life and I live my life for myself, not for them. And yes, I live my life for the Lord (to appease the pious crowd) and I don't intend to forsake the Lord after all He's done for me, to me, and through me. He's a wonderful Savior. 

You see, lately I've been the quiet one. And I think people looked at my silence and took that as compliance. I'm sorry if I'm the rebellious, prodigal son here but...I'm going to live my life. 

You have just a few more days left...endure it.

Forgiveness

A blog entry with such a title is bound to be endless (Don't be scared, this will be short. I promise). Forgiveness is somewhat of a mystery to me. How can someone completely disregard an ill action that was acted upon them to retain a proper standing with the offender? (My own definition, not Websters. Impressed?) Possibly it's because of the relationship with the offender prior to the incident was something to cherish so much that neither party would want anything or anyone to hinder that relationship.

But there's something to note after forgiveness has been granted. Things change. They have to. I liken it unto an equation that doesn't balance out. When an error is found and the equation doesn't balance, you have to start over. Much of the entries are still the same but some exponents must be adjusted.

Don't fear changing the exponents. If you want the equation to balance itself, they must be right. Keep working at it.

Coming Back to Bite Me

Yeah yeah yeah, I said something. And it came back to "bite me in the rear." My mistake. Foolish me, I thought I could choose my words carefully and choose the right ones to tell them to. People will let you down. People will disappoint you. I let people down. I disappoint people. My words were never meant to hurt or discourage anyone. For anyone that knows me for any length of time knows that about me. And I'm sorry you took offense to them...

...but I'm still right. 

My World...Changing

I can't stop it nor do I want to.

Transition is a funny thing. Leaving old things behind, going on to newer things. Some of it is hard. I know. It's going to be hard for me here soon but I must live each day as if it were my last. Or at least live each day as if it were on purpose (thank you Hitch).

I'm trying to do a few things before my departure. Trying to set some things in order, make a few things right. With some things, I'm succeeding. With other things, I don't think it's getting off the ground but no worries.

A few things have gotten my attention. I found out that people DO read this blog, heh. And that people are concerned for me. It truly humbles me. 

But my world is changing. I am changing. Things change...it's inevitable. But never look at change as a barrier but as a stepping stone. It may be harder to get to the next one but there'll definitely be a sense of accomplishment when you get there. Keep your head up and follow Christ. 

I love you.

Uh...

Exactly. Nothing much going on here. Just thought I'd post something. All smiles. :D All kisses :-*

Dead Sprint, All Heart

I can see it now...the finish line. Nothing gives you that extra wind like seeing that yellow tape in front of you. You gave it all you got...there were some mishaps along the way but all that doesn't matter. Just as long as you don't make the same mistakes.

Keep a good pace, put your head down, grit your teeth, and pray for divine power to fill you as you finish that race...

The Pain I Deserve

There's a distinction between grace and mercy. Grace is receiving something that you don't deserve and mercy is God withholding something you do deserve. As sinners, we all deserve hell. "But God commendeth His love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Rom. 5:8) We are saved by grace through faith (Eph. 2:8). Mercy and grace work hand in hand. 

I realize how horrible a person I really am. How wicked, how sinful, how wretched I really am. I know what I deserve. Praise God, I'm saved. Christ has redeemed me with His precious blood. Why did He save a sinner like me? His Word says it's because He loves me. What bounless love!

But I'm still a sinner. I still sin. In many ways, my sin is ever before me. Now should I ask the Lord to remove all guilt? God has forgiven me...but my sin is still ever before me. The affects of my sin, I deserve. It cannot affect my soul or my final destination. Nothing shall separate me from the love of God and no man shall pluck me out of my Father's hand. But the guilt, knowing I wronged not only my God but those I love...I deserve it. 

I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused. I want to leave it all behind but I can't. I must confront what I did and every blow, I rightly deserve. Every pain-staking strike, it belongs to me. Now I'm not paying for my sin. Christ already paid the price. But as a child to a heavenly Father, I must be chastened. 

But have I learned my lesson?

Over this Wall

I've hit the wall.

And all I can do at this point is stare at how tall it is. I've been climbing for a long time and I have no choice but to keep climbing. It seems as if there's no end to it. I just want it to end because I know that as I'm over this wall, all I have to do is slide down and head on the next challenge. 

But is this what life really is? Just a series of obstacles?  I know I should talk like this because I am a Christian. I have Christ living inside of me. He has saved me by His grace and I have a home in heaven. And I also know that the Christian life isn't a bed of roses. As one identifies himself with Christ, he is also identified with His sufferings. The Apostle Paul said, "that I may know him." He mentions the "fellowship of his sufferings."

We all suffer. But I know that life isn't just a thing that you have to suffer through. Christ died for us that we may have life and have it more abundantly. 

I'm just going along. I'll make it but not in my own  strength. "His strength is made perfect in weakness."

Hit and Miss, Hit and Miss...

I know that along with years come wisdom. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 1:18, "For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow." I've learned so far in my life how true this principle is. I've been told I'm a wise person. I take that with much humility. But I can recall several things in my life that caused this wisdom and knowledge. A lot of these things really did bring grief and sorrow.

When you were young, you may have wondered how it felt to touch a hot stove or how it felt to jump out of a high tree branch. At that time, you were unknowledgeable. But then you decide to touch that hot stove or jump out of that tree. Well...you know now that it wasn't a good idea but it cost you something. You have that knowledge but along with it came some grief and sorrow (not to mention, pain).

I don't know everything there is to know about life. No one really does except for God Himself. But I do know that whenever I live life in my own power, I fail. Not only do I hurt myself but I hurt those around me. 

Another timeless, biblical (if it's biblical, it's timeless) principle: your sin will affect others. That thought frightens me. Sometimes I'm so selfish I don't think about others when I do wrong but other people will be affected. Look at Achan, King David, Jonah and others. Sin in their lives affected friends, family, and other people. May God help us in this area.

The older I get, the more I realize that there are things I don't want to do but I know I must do them. This principle started with me at an early age with simply cleaning my room, eating everything on my plate, and brushing my teeth. Now, it has stemmed to paying my bills on time, going to work, and such the like. I have no problem with eating everything on my plate and brushing my teeth. Cleaning my room? Eh.... But there will always be something that needs to be done, even if you don't want to do them.

That's the sign of true maturity. Thinking of others and doing what needs to be done. Is this not the mind of Christ? He prayed in the Mount of Olives, "Let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt." Christ made the ultimate sacrifice. It's going to cost us something to follow Christ, yes. It's also going to cost us to think of others and doing right by them. Take a look at your life. Are you living for yourself? Are you doing what benefits you for the present moment? There's pleasure in sin for a season.

I have a lot of growing up to do...

Nothing Changes...

I hate it when nothing changes. I mean, things seem to be stagnant and nothing is in your favor. But I noticed something that perhaps other people have experienced a long time ago. When nothing changes, character is being built. 

Something happens to you when things don't seem to go your way. Your faith is increased. You decide to depend upon the Lord and to give everything in His hands. You take certain things more seriously and lesser things not as seriously. I'm starting to see that the things that would trouble me in the past don't have much weight with me now and the things I haven't considered in the past, I focus on those even more. 

So this is maturing, eh? Funny, I thought I was doing a good enough job on my own. But we all have to go through it. Some may call it the refiner's fire, conforming into the image of God's dear Son. 

I just pray that as I am tried and purified, I shall come forth as gold.

You Hypocrite!

I'd like to think that I'm a consistent person. Now there are times when I'm a bit spontaneous and a special friend has told me that I'm full of surprises...and yes, I'm still full of them ;}

But I can't stand inconsistency. People that act one way and do the opposite. A better term is hypocrite. And I hope that someone calls me out on it if I'm one. It'll help me out tremendously.

I can't stand fake people. I can see passed their smiles, their friendly greetings, and their jokes. I can see passed their sudo-amiable countenances. A hypocrite has two things working against him: his words and his actions. Not only do they work against him but they work against each other. But there's a funny thing about words...they circulate. People always find out. 

You think you can go on and say what you want to say and save your face? You think you can use your silver tongue and your soft eyes to win everyone on your side? Think again. 

I'll fight for my friends. Those who I know that are innocent in the matter, they'll have my allegiance. You think you won...but you're far from a victory. 

And for those I fight for, you know who you are. I'll remain true to you because not only do you remain true to me but most importantly, you remain true to those who are against you, to those who have wronged you. That is most admirable and for that, I thank you. Let me know if there's anything I can do for you. 

I'm here.

Under the Microscope

I'm just sick of living underneath this microscope. Every move I make is being watched and commented upon. They all have their ideas of why I'm behaving a certain way. I don't live for them, I know that. But why do I want to please them? What must I do to get them to leave me alone? What do they want from me? No one is telling me anything and yet I'm supposed to know it all. And worse than that, they're hurting those people that are dear to me and they think they're helping. 

I just can't stand it. 

A Lot on My Mind

I don't think I've ever thought about so many things at once like I have been doing recently. There are many things to consider, both short term and long term, but most of everything I have to deal with is short term. Nothing is set in stone for me. After graduation, what else is there? What do I do? Where will I go? I think about these things. I pray that the Lord will give me direction and I know He will. He'll guide and direct me. He'll not leave me nor will He forsake me. I guess it's just our sin nature to worry about things and when we worry, we're not exercising faith. It's a constant struggle.

Master's work, graduation, finances, and other things just hit me all at once. I can always pray about it all. "We have not because we ask not," explains it well in the book of James. 

Well you all have a good one. See ya later

And Then...There Was Monday

Sunday was a much needed rest for me. I guess it's because I wasn't feeling well. Head felt rather cloudy and I was dizzy. But it seems like every Sunday, I run a marathon which isn't really that much. I do the Shepherd's Class Sunday School and then go the nursing home for the afternoon and then head back to church for the evening service. Even though I wasn't up to par, it was nice to sit and relax, watch the services online while eating cake and drinking some milk.

And then...there was Monday. Heh, we all have them. It was rather difficult waking up. Every movement is a struggle on a Monday morning. But it's a Wednesday night now so I'm over the case of the Mondays (I better watch out, I'll get my tail kicked for saying something like that...). 

Anyway, I'll go on my way. Later gators.

Can Sorry Ever Do?

There's a game set before us and I violate the rules

I think only about myself and how I don't want to lose

I remember how I cheated myself and how I robbed you

I tell you from my heart, I'm sorry...but can sorry ever do?

I've placed you on a pinnacle and gave you worship that was due

Because in my heart I knew you cared and you stayed forever true

But the storms came and you fell off, my structure wasn't true to you

And I tell you from my heart, I'm sorry...but can sorry ever do?

You followed hard after my words of wisdom and nothing was refused

You listened intently and kept silent while I pondered and mused

But now I am at the end of myself, and a fool, I am presented to you

I'm sorry, my friend, I'm sorry, oh I'm sorry...but can sorry ever do?

But here I am, battered and beatened and there's nothing I can do

But I'll stay here, I will not move, because I'll  be here for you

I've presented you this question, "Can Sorry Ever Do?"

I know with me, it always will...but the choice is up to you.

Am I a Little...Off?

I don't think I am. I may be though, you never know. Things are constantly running through my mind, reminding me that I have less time. Less time for what? Well...heh, just less time. I always believed that the two things we're running out of, spending like crazy when we can be more sensible, but always needing more of is time and money. It doesn't matter how much you have; it matters what you use it for.

When you think about things that...well don't necessarily trouble you, but make you weigh the varying outcomes, it shows in your countenance. Maybe in your conversation, as well. Also, it can show in your conduct. 

I just want to be careful

Another Notebook

Man, it's hard to get started on this notebook. I know I should be ahead but somethings just end up getting in the way. And I lack some serious motivation. I read a chapter here and there and these other projects don't help either. I need to get some "gumption" and get to it. Sigh...okay, it's time to get to it. 

Just for Posting Sake

Yeah...nothing much going on here. Just writing something because I know that I haven't posted anything for a while. 

I want to post something interesting; something that gives new insight into what I'm dealing with or what's on my heart and mind. But it's 1:45 a.m. and nothing much is going through my mind except, "Ya know, I stink...and I want to fix myself a burger." Chick-Fil-A will cause you to produce a rebellious spirit...(if you haven't gathered it by now, I'm presently clothed in my CFA uniform)

One of my roommates hasn't returned yet...I think he said he was doing something and won't be back for a while. I don't know. I never really pay attention, especially when I'm playing NCAA '09. Oh, and if all you know how to do is run an option...please learn some other plays please. 

Yeah, random thoughts...it is now 1:48 a.m.

You Must Think I'm Stupid...

Naturally, being a guy, I have a one-track mind. I see one thing and that's all I see; not viewing the big picture.

But I have a surprise for you. Though I don't claim to have any ounce of extraordinary intelligence, I see more than one thing in many different angles. I know what she's thinking and why she thinks it. I know what's going through his mind and why he came to such conclusions. I understand why they are thinking this-and-that and on it goes.

But after it's all said and done, I do choose my way. Sometimes it's not the best way. Sometimes it's not the easy way. But it's the way that makes the most sense. Sorry if that's self-centered, I don't mean to be. But who else knows me better than me? I don't even know myself. Only the Lord knows me and I trust that He'll show me the way I should take.

If you're thinking I'm a complicated individual, well you are right... but it's so much fun :D

Adding Salt...

It stings...

Something less painful could have been used...

We could have just patched it up...

This injury could have been prevented...

It could have been different...

But you decided to play around...

You thought you were invincible...

Unexpected forces proved you to be wrong...

And now you have this wound...

An open reminder of your mistake...

And no doubt, it'll leave a scar...

But you'll know better next time...won't you?

I Like Spurgeon...But Not THIS Much

Just reading some Lectures to My Students by Charles H. Spurgeon as required reading for the Master's program. I've been enjoying it. He has a mind on him and he's a bit lofty but there's so much substance...which I like (...)

But man, I've been doing a lot of reading and more is to come. I hope I don't end up despising Spurgeon like someone I know. I won't say any names but this person knows of whom I'm speaking.

Ah well, it's all part of the process I suppose. It's good, it really is.

Hey, enjoy the journey. Later.

Incredulous?

Given the title of this blog, this post is dedicated to one of my good friends Liz. Hopefully this doesn't embarrass you, Lizzie.

I just wanted to say publicly that you're a wonderful person and I appreciate your friendship. As a guy, I appreciate your consistency and your sanity (seriously, sane girls are hard to find nowadays. You're a dying breed :D ). I enjoy every conversation we have. You're just awesome!

I could go on and on about this wonderful friend of mine but she already knows how I feel about her....don't you? :D

This is to you, Liz. Have a great day.

Refocusing

Allow me to give a quick word to all the nay-sayers, slanderers, two-faced cowards, and evildoers...congratulations, you won. But I'm still standing, stronger than ever. My spirit has been shaken, trampled over and attacked...but not broken. You made me realize that fighting with you was completely and utterly useless and futile. I remember what my purpose is now and it's not to contend with the likes of you. My only regret is caring what you thought about me. What a loss of genuine passion!

But for those who remained true, earnest, and by my side...congratulations, for you will always be dear to my heart. I lost sight for a brief moment but by God's grace, I'll get back on track. It's not over, not by a long shot.

And to both audiences, keep your eyes on Christ. I leave you with His ever so tranquil words, "Let not your heart be troubled..."

Is It Still January?

Okay...it's still January. Time is slowing down ever so slightly. I'm nowhere near my breaking point, I'm far from it...but goodnight, it seems like it's approaching.

All is well though. It snowed today. As I am typing, it's still snowing. Snow brings a certain happiness. It makes present problems seem so small when you see those pleasant flurries fall. (I'm a poet, can ya tell? :D)

It's a reminder that everything is going to be alright. God is still in control. Not only is Psalm 37 still in the Bible but the God of Psalm 37 still lives. Hallelujah!

One Person Can Make a Difference

It's funny how much power and influence one person has; whether it be positive or negative.

I'm facing a lot of negative power right now. It's so heart-wrenching and sad for someone you know and love to be mightily used of God at one moment...and then be mightily used of Satan the next.

Things at this point can never be the same. Relationships, unless by the divine intervention of God, will end and they will end miserably. People are showing their true form.

I've run out of options.

But thanks be unto God, Psalm 37 is still in the Bible. Praise the Lord!

Parental Discretion is Advised

AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

This shows my frustration with people. People are funny; not in a humorous way (though that may be the case sometimes) but in a way that sparks one's curiosity. Due to the public nature of this site, I will not mention...well, anything in particular. Just shooting buckshot and seeing what I hit.

I've noticed that I like to candy-coat things to make them less harmful. But plain talk is easily understood. I'm slowly learning that concept. I'm also aware of the fact that I'm a very mysterious person; quite ambiguous. I'd go as far as to say that I'm the personification of ambiguity. I don't try to be but that's just the way I am. I think I have a few of my friends to thank for that; two in particular but I'm not going to mention their names.

I don't think I've been this "rowled up" before. I can just spew anything and everything unapologetically (This is my word so if you're an etymologist or a grammar teacher, get over it...bless your heart :D). I've gone too far and too long without having my side heard. I'm always trumped.

But what am I to do? I'll tell you what. I'm just going to sit here and wait. Whenever someone has the intelligence and the wherewithal to ask me and to hear me out, I'll gladly let them know. But until that happens, I'm going to be me...unapologetically.

Implications About Being a Nerd

While Preston was playing XBox Live, he made the comment "I'm a nerd." I've thought about that statement briefly and have come up with a few thoughts.

Obviously, nerds are very peculiar. They are different from everyone else. They have a few things that set them apart from the rest of the crowd; be it a certain interest, appearance...or odor.... But whatever the case may be, they're different. They somewhat go by the beat of their own drum.

Another observation I've made is that they are outcasts. They are often shunned from the "in-crowd" and labeled as pariahs. No one dares to be seen with them lest they be associated with them.

But I find a redeeming quality in all nerds. They, without any disputation, are passionate about their novelty/hobby. Whether the activity is video games, board games, reading, or anything is not what I admire. It's the passion they have that is so admirable. They put their heart into what they like. They're not mere participants but zealots. They throw themselves in it.

Look at the cool crowd. Notice the overall attitudes: indifferent, complacent, and lazy. The only thing they that takes effort with them is the maintenance of their "cool" status. Even that doesn't take much effort. All it takes is a "jellyfish" mentality; just going with the wave. Nothing's unique about going along with everyone else.

Are you a person of passion? Is there anything that you throw yourself into? Are you complacent, lack passion?

Are you a cool person or are you a nerd?

It's Looming...

School and work are ever before me...sigh, and I know I have to do it but I just don't want to do it. I think it's the same with everyone. Something's wrong with my notebooks for school. They're just a tad different from last time and I think they messed something up. I'm just waiting for some clarification before I start working on them. Right now, I'm just chillin in the living room watching Preston play Halo online. It's quite entertaining.

Folger's Gourmet Coffee is good and I highly recommend it. Chocolate Truffle is delightful. They smell great and the taste is great when you add sugar. Why the plug for Folger's? No clue. I just like the coffee. Oh well, catch ya later

Back in the Swing of Things

Today was odd...my head felt funny, my heart was beating quite fast, and I was reading all day. I have a notebook due tomorrow (or today, depending upon how you want to look at it) and I have been doing the last minute blitz before I get it done.

Baked a peach cobbler today. It was quite good. My roommates liked it. Very easy to make and even better to eat. See? As long as you follow the instructions, everything should turn out just right. Well, the saffron rice needed some more time but I'll get it next time. The chicken was alright too.

Well I guess it's time to start putting this notebook together. Registration tomorrow, fun stuff. Later.

Templates

So I was looking for a new template for a long time yesterday but I had to be somewhere so I just settled with this one. It's nice, has the eclipse-like effect. I wanted something that reflected more my personality.

I saw one with a bench in an open space, that was good. And this one that was titled "Lost" or something like that with a bunch of dead trees and pond.

I'm not emo, I swear. I'm just a bit weird. There was one with a wolf howling, I liked that one. But whenever I tried to copy and paste the HTML into the blogger layout, it would say something was wrong. I ran out of patience quickly and I just settled with this.

The one I had before was a denim layout. It was different but too girly. One person said they liked it and she was a girl so...didn't help me out much. I valued her opinion, of course but I was looking for an edgy, meloncholy look. This does a pretty good job.

Well, that's about it for now. Catch ya later.

Two Months? Really?

Has it really been two months since I posted something on this page? I suppose so. Well another semester down, another one to go. The spring semester always brings out the worst any everybody because it's longer with shorter breaks. I go into my Eeyore depressions that aren't as bad as they may sound. But with Masters...yeah, fun stuff.

New Years Resolutions, anyone? Not me. Very much overrated and always broken.

I graduate this semester...again. Hopefully, if I don't goof off or get too distracted. I'd like to start right and finish strong. Don't ask me about this summer though, that's still a toss-up.

Oh well, rock it out today! \m/><\m/